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did you miss anything?
close of 2003 - 2003-12-31
georgian grapes? in russian wine? - 2003-12-29
i'm gonna wash that database right outta my hair - 2003-12-23
acetone and toluene - 2003-12-22
grilled cheese in my future - 2003-12-21

2003-03-04
9:59 p.m.

sunshine again today. two days in a row�i feel like i�ve been transplanted to a different city. i took advantage of the nice weather and walked to the post office this afternoon. on the way, i passed a bathtub with half of the feet broken off of it. it tilted on the sidewalk, filled with an empty case of beer, garbage, and scraps of wood. i would be surprised if i saw it anywhere else but a student ghetto.

***

i called a woman to set up an interview with her for my nutrition study. she was annoyed by the fact that i pay my participants with checks rather than cash. actually, many of my participants feel the same way, and they seem to think that, if they complain enough, i will suddenly be able to pay them in cash. this woman today doesn�t have a bank account, and she wasn�t sure where she could cash the check. "it�s a check from x-bank," i told her. "they�ll cash it for you for free."
"well, where is there an x-bank?" she snapped.
"there�s one downtown."
"where downtown?" she snapped again.
"i�m not sure, but i can find out," i said, trying to be nice.
"you mean to tell me you don�t know where x-bank is?"
"i don�t know where it is because it�s not my bank, but i can find out for you before we meet on monday," i said through clenched teeth.
this actually went on for a minute or two. after we hung up, she called back almost immediately to check on the date of the appointment. then she called back a third time to ask me how long the check would be good for. "they�re usually good for 180 days," i told her, "but let me check�it doesn�t say, actually, so you can assume they�re good for the length of the study." this sparked another "discussion" on how long this check would be good for and how paying people with checks isn�t fair to people who can�t afford bank accounts. "that�s not my problem," i wanted to tell her, but instead, i used my social worker voice and said yes, yes, i understand, you�re right, it�s not fair, but it�s really not safe for me to carry cash and blah blah. i was exasperated when i hung up. all this for a $20 check. i should add that x-bank is a well-known bank that has branches almost everywhere. except where most of my clients live.

***

i found myself rambling on yet again tonight in therapy. my therapist has been wanting to get to the Deeper Issues, and i have been avoiding it. i just don�t wanna� i did admit that i have a tendency to say "okay, we�re done" when we�ve really only scratched the surface, and she appreciated that i said that. ugh. this is going to be difficult and tiring, and i would rather just avoid it, but that would defeat the purpose of therapy, wouldn�t it?

***

it was a co-worker�s birthday today, so we had cake. it was very annoying to listen to all the women complain that their pieces of cake were too big. hmmm�if it�s so big, why did you eat all of it? okay, that wasn�t very nice. i know i�ve been guilty of doing the same thing. i did request a smaller piece today, but that was mostly because i knew i couldn�t eat all of it. i don�t like cake much

***

i�m relieved to discover that my co-workers are also surprised that my boss is pregnant. i felt a bit bad for the way that i felt. see, my boss is 40 and very career-oriented. i just assumed that she and her husband didn�t want kids. turns out i was wrong; i guess that will teach me to assume. (even though everyone i talked to assumed the same thing!) i am having trouble picturing my boss pregnant or being a mother. it will be interesting to see how it unfolds. babies are fun, anyway, and this means that i can do some more shopping for baby stuff.

***

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