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today the glitterbomber is... |
2002-08-21 yesterday, i mentioned "inappropriate email conversations" in passing. perhaps i should explain. why? because it's funny to me, that's why. now quit asking questions. amy b and i work a few blocks away from one another at the good old university. we email each other back and forth all day long in a series of convoluted conversations. and we cover every conceivable topic in these conversations...from the weird people on the bus to lunch options to strange ways to die. many of our conversations are relatively tame. or at least, they begin that way. they start out with how bored we are at work and why we can't have more money and more vacations. then we move to discussing how we can't wait for lunch and should we leave early? but somehow, somewhere, things turn dark. we always end up at the topics of sex and bodily functions. it's like we're seven years old. except a lot more graphic than a seven-year-old can ever be. and it is about that same time that we begin to wonder if our email is being monitored. is there a group of bald, glasses-frontin' geeky guys in a room somewhere reading our emails, amazed at what sick freaks we are? are they amused? disgusted? intrigued? do they want to know more about amy b's friend with the anal sex fetish? are they afraid to eat sushi after learning about sushi worms? are they excited by our discussions of s&m? we do the only thing we can do in such a situation...give them a shout-out. sometimes we ask them for conversation subject requests. so far, we've heard not a peep from the email monitors, but we keep hoping... *** quotes of the day: "what's the matter? don't you like my fatoosh" -man at the middle eastern restaurant, noting that i did not finish my lunch "i need three happy meals 'cause one ain't enough to fill me up." -woman with schizophrenia who rides my bus "the pope needs new batteries." -marcin "...saw this commercial earlier for vagisil and it said something like, 'you always feel better after talking to your friends. especially about painful burning vaginal itch.' as soon as i saw it, i thought, 'i have to tell courtney!'" -amy b |
