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today the glitterbomber is... |
2001-11-13 sometimes i wonder why i bother showing up for work on time. sometimes i wonder why i bother showing up at all. then that pesky work ethic kicks in. i like my job. really. it's just that i have very little to do. my title is "research coordinator," yet i am not doing any research to speak of. maybe i should just shut up and quit complaining. after all, two months ago, i came from an extremely stressful job where i worked nonstop all day and sometimes was in tears. i get paid more now, too. still, i can't help but feel guilty sometimes. like i should be asking for more work or something. but the feeling usually passes, because, i have to admit, i am enjoying being a work slacker for once. no stress headaches. no teeth-grinding. no acne. my grandfather was (still is?) a workaholic. he worked two jobs to support his wife and son, and as a result, he never saw them. i don't think my father has many memories of spending time with his dad. four heart attacks (and numerous other health problems) later, my grandfather is just now admitting that yes, maybe he did work too much. my own father worked a lot, too, and he's just now taking an extended break from work and enjoying it. so i've had all these conflicting messages lately. work work work, for most of my life on one hand, and recently on the other hand, not working can be fun and healthy! as a result, i've always pushed myself...finish school! get a job! find a career! get a second job!...and felt guilty when i felt like i wasn't doing enough. jesus. i'm not even catholic. so ends yet another boring rant that probably makes no sense to anyone but me. sorry. i'll try harder, really i will. figures once i get an online diary, my life gets non-exciting. perhaps i will take up skydiving or become a spy in order to entertain you all. maybe. |
