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today the glitterbomber is... |
2002-10-04 ah, friday. it's the perfect fall day today. well, it would be perfect without this nasty humidity that wrecks my hair and makes my face feel like a sweaty, greasy mess. nice, huh? still, the wind is picking up and scattering dry leaves about, and i like that. had an appointment with the shrink this morning. before i go into his office, i know the things i want to discuss with him. i think to myself, "i'm going to say this and this and this, then i'll ask him that." but when i sit in that chair, i can't do it. i can laugh and joke and make small talk, but my deepest concerns never surface through that facade. i just pretend i'm doing better than i think i really am. and i am angry at myself for it. i am going to these appointments to make myself better able to cope with my illness(es); it's self-defeating not to lay it all on the table. why can't i do that? that experience was a bit of a dark spot on the rest of my day. i did a few things for work (still no computer access), had lunch with amy e, and ran some errands. i felt disassociated from everything, though. i hate that feeling; it's as if everything is happening around me, and i'm just...there. some good news, though. the other night, i emailed my boss and asked her (okay, begged) if i could go to the apha annual meeting in philly next month. she was going to let me go, but it would be more than our study could afford, so she's going to try to send me to boston later this month for another conference. i hope it works out...i'm not feeling the travel bug like i usually do, but i've never been to boston. exploring new places is fun. i have dubbed tonight "recluse night," and i will do just that. |
