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close of 2003 - 2003-12-31
georgian grapes? in russian wine? - 2003-12-29
i'm gonna wash that database right outta my hair - 2003-12-23
acetone and toluene - 2003-12-22
grilled cheese in my future - 2003-12-21

11:08 a.m.

i have a ton of stuff on my mind today. when i got to billís on friday, we started talking about his living situation. he wants to move out of his apartment because his landlord is a slumlord. he wasnít sure what the best thing to do from there was, especially with things being slow at work. ďwhy donít you move in with me?Ē i asked. and thatís what we decided. weíre both sick of being apart, of having to say goodbye all the time. iím beginning to hate the lines at the toll booths on the highway and the traffic jams at the border. we want to start our life together. it makes sense for him to move here. he needs a change, and i wouldnít have been ready or able to move to canada until next year. i already pay my rent and such on my own, so i wouldnít need him to contribute financially until he has a job and can afford it. heís afraid of being a leech in that respect, but i told him heís only a leech if he makes no effort to contribute.

i hope weíre making the right decision. i hope it all works out. iím really nervous about going through all of the immigration paperwork. weíre really not sure how to go about doing all of that or what our best option is. we checked out the immigration bureauís website, but it was so confusing that it gave me a stomachache. luckily, they have an office in downtown pittsburgh, and iím going down there to talk to someone one day this week. i just need someone to tell me what our best course of action is and the steps we need to take. iím afraid that heíll be denied a visa or something. we agreed that we could get married if we had to, but iím hoping that will be a last resort because i donít want to have to get married like that. i had a friend who had to do that, and the whole thing was so rushed and so ghetto that i was sorry for her. i could ask said friend for advice, but we havenít talked in months, and iím not interested in renewing our friendship. long story, but it has a lot to do with that ghetto wedding.

so anywayÖiím a bundle of nerves. bill says we just need to take it one step at a time, but i freak out about everything at once. itís the immigration thing that scares me the most. i donít like not knowing what to do and not being able to figure it out. i think weíll be able to get through everything else with a minimum of headaches. heís going to start bringing some things to my place and put most of his stuff in storage until we get a bigger place. my apartment isnít tiny, but itís just right for one person and all of heróahemóstuff. iím going to go through everything of mine and get rid of a lot to make room. iíve been meaning to do that anyway. iím not a pack rat by any means, but i will have to pare down even more. bill gets many gold stars for being willing to move in with a control freak, and the fact that we is willing to uproot himself and move here for me means more than i could ever say.

itís strange and exhilarating to think that we could be living together by the end of september. itís even stranger to think that there is a slight possibility that we could be married by the end of the year. (weíd have a real wedding later when we can afford it.) god, i just hope hope hope that everything works out the way we want it to. iím trying not to think about it too much and to let things happen, but thatís not me. i have to worry about everything.

this entry is probably bouncing around everywhere and is difficult to follow. sorry. my mind is all over the place today.

the rest of the weekend was good. we had dinner at a yummy japanese restaurant in niagara falls on friday. after dinner, we walked down to the falls and watched a thunderstorm roll in. saturday afternoon was for running errands. we ended up in hamilton and made use of the air conditioning and cable tv at billís momís house. we stayed there until it was time to go over to gary and juliaís for a party. it was a fun party; we sat outside, sipped drinks, and chatted. iím getting to know billís friends better, so iím not so shy anymore.

when we got back to st. catherines that night, billís neighbor was having an argument with her boyfriend. a loud, drunken one. she asked bill to call the police for her, and i spied on the scene from the living room window. so we didnít get to bed until pretty late.

there was a lot of noise friday night, as well, and sleep wasnít good then, either. iím super tired today.

it was hot and humid on sunday, and after breakfast out, we went to port dalhousie to wander about for a bit. there was a regatta going on, and we checked out the rowing races. now, in pittsburgh, the regatta means a bunch of drunken mullets crowding the park by the rivers, watching speedboat races. i suppose that the regatta bill and i saw is more like a real one. it wasnít crowded, the people were normal, and there were civilized events taking place. and not a mullet in sight.

we drove home the scenic way, past peach orchards, apple trees, vineyards, and rows and rows of baby evergreens and colorful rose bushes. i wish i lived closer to things like that.

we ended up at the restaurant on the corner of billís street for dinner. itís the one where the waitress told us, ďas soon as you walk in the door, youíre family.Ē i think we were the youngest people in there. itís a funny place, but if i were going to be a waitress, iíd want to work in a place like that. but letís hope i never have to be a waitress, because iíd probably hate it anywhere i worked. iím just not nice enough.

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